i even took notes!

You know the saying "When the student is ready..."?

For my fellow left-brain leaning, excuse-riddled (no time/no resources/no support/no fill-in-your-favorite-cop-out-story) closeted, recovering creative out there, this I lovingly and wholeheartedly dedicate to you.  And me.  

Ready.
Set.
And she appears...go, Master Brene Brown.



I was so riveted, I took notes this time around.

I first saw this talk about a year ago, when it first came out.  It made the rounds of my favorite bloggers and for some reason, it didn't really connect.  Or maybe it did.  But I forget.

Anyway, it's such a beautiful message that I'm posting it here so I can have access to it again and again, especially during those days - like todays - when I'm feeling down and blues-y and crying over a text message from my mom all the way from Manila, right there in the middle of Aisle 7 of Walmart while shopping for Chocolate Mice ingredients for Oona's class party.

And yes, bravely admitting vulnerability: I'm embarrassed by it which is why I've chosen to be quiet and reclusive these past few weeks.

Why are you down when it's the holidays?  You should be happy!
Why are you down when you're so blessed with so many things and people and experiences?  You should be grateful!
Why are you down when you're ______ and _______ and _______?  You should be ________!

All shameful, guilt-ridden and utterly useless thoughts.  But they're there.  And they're dark.  And they're inner recordings from voices beyond time and space that I've been once taught to hold in, keep hidden, ignored.

Echos of voices that need to go now.  But only if I let them go with grace and with dignity.  And yes, with vulnerability.

Yes, I did the ugly-cry in Walmart last night.
Yes, I feel so kawawa and homesick that I have to take naps in the middle of the day from being so low-batt.
Yes, I go into emotional eating binges late at night, vanilla cupcakes being my favorite, when I feel like I can't take the heartache anymore.

Yes, I spoke with my mom and dad today and they said all the right things and we cried together and it's all better again.  For now.

Hello, vulnerability, my dear old friend.  I've missed you so.

So, you go Dr. Brene with your measuring stick.  :)  Thank you so much for sharing your wholehearted findings with me.

Courage in creativity,
Chiqui